The Unbelievable Story
by InyYasha
Summary: A Crossover of soap-operas, cartoons and animes. Or as we like to call it.... The Unbelievable Story!
1. Episode 1

Van and Hitomi have arrived at Castle Dornkirk because Van has vowed to kill Dornkirk and Dilandau. Support troops (ie. Allen Chasair and company) were coming but Van and Hitomi got there first because they took Escaflowne. Confronting Dornkirk was easy after destroying some 'obstacles' on the way.

"Van, before you say that I shouldn't have come remember that Dornkirk can't see the future when I'm with you." Hitomi said.

"So, you know. It must have been that power of yours. Well, there are ways to separate the two of you." Dornkirk grinned sinisterly.

"No one is going to take Hitomi away from me. I've promised to protect her." Van drew his sword to shield her.

Dornkirk chuckled, "The dragon is determined." he paused, "I'll give you that."

Hitomi put her hand on Van's shoulder, "Put away your sword, he's only trying to get you mad."

Van thought about her words for a moment then reluctantly put his sword back into the scabbard.

All along Dornkirk looked quite amused.

"You have a strange sense of humour." Hitomi addressed Dornkirk ruefully.

"Really boy, you shouldn't let your guard down so easily..." Dornkirk ignored Hitomi.

"What do you mean? All of your soldiers are gone and we have backup coming!" Van exclaimed.

"Oh on the contrary Van!" A voice erupted from behind them.

Just as Hitomi and Van turned around a sword rose to meet Van's neck. "Dilandau!" Hitomi gasped.

"Well, well! It looks like you're dead!" Dilandau screamed insanely.

"Van!!!" Hitomi grabbed Dilandau's arm to stop him.

Dilandau throw her back with ease and Hitomi fell back wards. "Now, now girl. Don't get any ideas! You'll get your turn!" Dilandau returned his craze to Van who's expression was more angry then frightened.

"You're a maniac." Van stood unfazed . At this Dilandau cackled again complementing Van's words.

A stampede of footsteps was growing louder and voices were heard. Allen and his troops finally appeared. "You weren't quick enough Allen Chasair." Dilandau laughed wickedly once again.

This angered him so he ordered his soldiers to draw their swords. Hitomi covered her ears in disgust from the high-pitched velocity of his girlish cackly squeal.

CAUTION!

From here on out this story turns to a whole other world with absolutely no point.

_Authoress' note: I tried to warned you, but you didn't listen. So, don't come running to me when you get hurt. It's your own fault!_

A blue light that was all too familiar pierced through the ceiling. Out of nowhere a sword flew down and hit Allen in the head, blunt end, rendering him unconscious.

A voice was then heard from above, "Where'd it go?"

A second voice answered, "I dropped it."

"Well, we've gotta go get it." the first voice responded.

"Well fine. But you're coming with me!"a pause as two beautiful girls with wings of gold out stretched appeared. One had light brown hair and the other had pitch black hair and both had cleavage & clear blue eyes.

Meanwhile Allen's troops were poking his outstretched body for any sign of life. (Luckily there was none for the time being)

"Oopsy-wooopsy." The brown haired girl smiled.

"Way to go butter-fingers." the black haired one said.

"Who the hell?" Dilandau dropped his sword at the sight, "Not more winged freaks!" He stuttered.

"What! FREAKS!!!!" The black haired girl asked in a rage.

"Who are you to call us freaks - You HE-SHE!!!" The brown haired girl put in.

Allen sat while rubbing his head. "What's going on?" he asked in a stunned state.

"Hey sis, got anymore swords?" the black haired girl asked.

"I am the goddess of swords. I've have 992 swords.Of course I have another." She stopped to pull out a heavy gold encrusted sword, "No wait." She reaches back in and pulls out a sword that has the word 'just in case' on it. "Here you go - Jigglo!" she dropped it. This time Allen saw it coming but never-the-less couldn't react in time.

"Who are you?" Van asked the girls. they both looked down at him and smiled at what only they knew, "I am Sakura Vvvv..." The brown haired girl caught the glare from the other.

"And I'm Relena. Now could you please hand my sister her sword." Relena asked.

Van suspiciously walked over to the first sword and picked it up.

"Yeah, hand it here." Sakura said.

Van eyed the sword, "This is the symbol of Fenelia!" he exclaimed.

"What?" Hitomi looked confused.

"Oh yeah. We should probably tell you that we come from the future where Fenelia is re-built in Atlantis." Relena explained.

"Oh it all makes sense now..." Dilandau said sarcastically.

"Atlantis? You're Atlantians aren't you?" Hitomi stood up.

"What? Me and Folken are the only Atlantians left!" Van stated.

Both girls laughed, "Should we talk them?" Sakura asked.

_Authoress' note: Don't you just love it when the bad guys sit back and let the good guys talk. The least they could of done was try to run. _

"I don't know... it might change the future." Relena said.

"Well, maybe the future could use a little changing. That's why we came anyway." Sakura pointed out.

"Okay but if we don't get born I'm gonna pissed off." Relena said to Sakura.

"What the hell are you talking about be born!?" asked Dilandau. This was the smartest thing Dilandau has ever said (and will ever say).

After floating in air forever, it seemed, the girls finally landed and much to everyone's relief the damn blue light turned off and everyone could see once again.

"Now give me my Goddamn Gundam Sword. So, I can kill that big sleeping guy!" Sakura yelled at Van. So, finally Van gave Sakura her family sword after he stared vacantly at it for the entire time. "Thank you." Sakura said in a ticked-of tone. She mumbled something at the end and Relena seemed to hear.

"Well, if your gonna kill Dornkirk can you hurry it up?" Van asked.

All-of-a-sudden Escaflowne come crashing through the wall in dragon form. "What!!!?" Van yelled in confusion.

Escaflowne landed with a thud on top of the outstretched Allen Chasair and everyone else scurried out of the way. In unison Sakura and Relena started singing, _Ding, Dong! The witch is dead! Which old witch? The wicked witch!_

Everyone except Hitomi looked puzzle and no one seemed to care about Allen. "I know that song!" Hitomi shouted.

"Well duh, you made us watch that Goddamn Gundam movie countless times!" Relena yelled.

"By the way, where is that tape? I'd like to destroy it now along with the HE-SHE and old sleeping guy." Sakura said in truth.

Relena walked over to where Van was examining Escaflowne strangely. She slapped the arm of Escaflowne impatiently, "Where were you? I told you to come five minutes ago!?" Relena shoved Van aside. "Excuse me..." She took out a handbook entitled, THE RULES OF TIME TRAVEL and mumbled, "Humm.. what they will and will not remember... here it is." She put the book away. "You old fart!" She smiled.

Van still looked amazed that she could control Escaflowne, "I can't feel it." he said.

"Uh, maybe that's cuz ya aren't connected to it right now STUPID!" Sakura stated matter-of-factly.

"IDIOT!" Relena added. "Now get up you Goddamn Gundam piece of crap!" Relena kicked the side of Escaflowne. Van, Sakura, and Relena all screamed Ow! And the three grabbed their stomaches in pain. "Remind me not to do that again." Relena said.

"So, much for the theory that he isn't connected to Escaflowne." Sakura pointed to Van. Escaflowne finally obeyed the command and rose up. "I'll take over now!" Sakura told her sister. She jumped onto Escaflowne's back and it turned into the Guymelef aka G.M. form.

"I feel so violated." Van shook his head as Escaflowne walked over and drew it's sword on the unsuspecting sleeping Dornkirk. Everyone else, including Allen who had just sat up moments ago, watched as Van also drew his sword and Relena raised her hands and Sakura's sword rose to meet her. Both Van and Relena copied Escaflowne's actions exactly, as Sakura cut-off Dornkirk's head, at the same time, under a trance, Van sliced off Allen's head and Relena did the same to Dilandau. Hitomi stood dumbfounded at this strange occurrence and the soldiers took turns kicking the still talking heads of Dilandau, Dornkirk and Allen around.

Sakura got out of the Escaflowne's G.M. form and Van and Relena dropped the bloody swords and snapped out of it. "Our job's are done, let's go man!" Sakura put away her Aluminum Foil™. Heero was about to commit suicide, jumped into his Gundam and.... oh you're still reading this? Just checking since this story has no determined plot we thought we might have lost you back there.

All of a sudden they hear a long and loud scream of pain, "I didn't burn the castle that much." Sakura said.

Relena turned to Sakura and said, "What are you talking about?"

"Oh, I'm not suppose to say that yet was I." Sakura said to Relena as if this has happened before. Sakura walks over to Relena, "I don't think I can do this with out hurting Van or Hitomi."

Relena try to make Sakura shut up and screamed. "We can do this without killing them this time, Sakura. This is the 10th time we've done this. We can't keep going back in time because it will soon effect us." Relena pulled out her booklet again and started flipping through the pages and said, "Found it. You can go back and fourth throughout time without it effecting the future 10 times or less."

"So, this means what?" Sakura asked Relena very puzzingly.

"This means.... This is our last chance." Relena said in the most serious voice ever.

"Excuse me not to intrude or anything, but what are you talking about? What's going to happen if you fail to complete your mission?" Hitomi asked Relena.

"Well let's see....you will die... everything we know as the past will be gone.... and we'll be gone. WE WILL CEASE TO EXIST!" Relena finished in a historical, yes historical not hysterical, voice.

"Oh, is that all." Sakura said in a calm and peaceful manner and then, "WHAT?! We won't exist." Sakura screamed, "I like existing, I don't want not to exist." Sakura ran around the room like a lunatic on drugs while Relena went on and on about what will happen if they don't get everything done right down to the dot.

_This show is brought to you by Coca-Fana™, the drink full of fleas. You just can't live unless you try Coca-Fana™ the drink of all Feneliens. now back to our show.©®_

"Stop! This is nonsense." a voice from the ground screamed. Everyone looked around the room to see who said that but they couldn't find out who it was. "Look down you stupid idiots." They all looked down to a little baby dragon that morphed into a little girl named Raen.

"Hey Raen, how are you doing?" Relena asked.

"It took you long enough to get here!" Sakura said.

"This is our half human, half doubalganger friend Raen. She helps us with our royal duties." Relena told Van, Hitomi and the others.

"Hey, I told you to come back after 15 minutes. So, Sakura Van Fanel and Relena Merle Fanel get your asses over here right now."

"I didn't know I had any sisters." Van said.

"Oh my god you are so dumb." Sakura said.

"I know he can't even find out we are his and Hitomi's daughters." Relena said to Sakura.

"You are my daughters which I had with Hitomi?" Van asked Sakura.

"Yes, you are our parents." Sakura responded babyishly, "And we aren't proud of it. Just joking." Sakura smiled.

"What!? I slept with that malnutritions bad breath guy?" Hitomi asked.

"Yes, Twice." Relena added.

"I assume there is Scope™ in the future Fenelia." Van said.

_Authoress' Note: Referring to a slight spoiler - the scene where Van rescued Hitomi and pulls her in close, they look like they're gonna kiss, but Hitomi hugs him instead - Yeah, this one right here - our theory is that he had really bad breath. You can use that theory if you want._

"Gotta go." Sakura and Relena were told by Raen.

"Why do we have to go we haven't even finished what we started." Sakura stated.

"Oh really it looks like you're done to me. Dornkirk, Dilandau and Allen are what looks to me like dead. So, if that doesn't mean your done, I don't know what does." Raen said in a controlling voice to the two daughters of Van and Hitomi,

_Authoress' Note: Who may I say still have even kissed yet._

"Van, I can't believe I marry Van Fanel. Let alone have two daughters together. EHHHHH!" Hitomi said to herself.

"What do you mean you can't believe you marry me!" Van said to Hitomi.

"Oh my god! I think you destroyed the time line as we know it Raen." Relena told her friend.

"Van is gay! Van is gay! Van is-"Allen screamed as his head flew across the floor.

"Van, what was that for?" Hitomi said in dismay.

"He was making fun of me!"

"That doesn't give you the right to kick Allen's head... Let me." Hitomi said.

"Go ahead Mon Cherie."

"Van, that's french." Hitomi grabbed Van's arm and started to kiss it from his wrist to his neck.

"Ouu! That's gross mother." Sakura said very disturbingly.

"How is that gross sister? It's very romantic." Relena said.

"Maybe for a guy to do to a girl, and maybe if your last name is Addams and oh, let me think maybe if it weren't our PARENTS! YUCK!" Sakura stuck her tongue out. Van still dumbfounded about what was happening grabbed.... Hitomi's hand and pulled her into Escaflowne and locked the door.

_Authoress' Note: OH YEAH!!!! Like that would ever happen_

Relena said, "I'm never going to use Escaflowne again."

"Me neither." Sakura said.

All of a sudden loud noises came from where Van and Hitomi were. "I guess we are going to be born sister." Relena said.

"I told you we would be born." Sakura said and then both together whined, "Euuww."

Then the blue light came back and took Van, Hitomi, Sakura, Relena, Raen and Escaflowne.

_This show is brought to you by Trowa Condoms™ and Sperm Jam™ donuts, the food of the future. Although I must say that only Allen Chasair and her (not a typo) family eat these products of gross nature. The first time Allen tried a condom he found it in Escaflowne after Van and Hitomi had just gotten out. Now back to our show.©®_

Van and Hitomi hoped out of Escaflowne. "Were we in there that long? I must be really good." Van said.

"Um, I don't think so," Hitomi pulled Van back into Escaflowne.

"OH," you could barely hear him mumble from Escaflowne as the door closed again.

"I think I'm gonna be sick." Sakura groaned.

"Now I feel violated." Relena scowled.

The audience all said at once EWW!! super-loudly (but not loud enough to cover the moaning protruding from Escaflowne).

"There goes the surprise." Relena said to Sakura.

"What surprise are you talking about?" Raen asked.

"The surprise is you don't know about the surprise." Sakura exclaimed to Raen.

Relena in a whisper of a voice, "There is no surprise is there?"

Sakura proclaimed after a deep thoughtful pause, "No, I just made that up as a distraction, so that we could get our minds off what mother and father are doing in Escaflowne."

Relena's eyes widened, "Ah! Why's you remind me!"

Off in the distance a voice cries out, "Sakura! You are so grounded! I told you not to burn down the castle." Hitomi finally appeared (the future one), followed by Meryl (no in her 20's) and three squealing cat children. Van (also the future one) was at Hitomi's side. Sakura and Relena future dead-beat husbands appeared soon after. One was wearing a green pot on his head and was wearing a green dress. The other was wearing Escaflownes™ and a very low green tank top that revealed lots of cleavage.

_Authoress' Note: Escaflownes™ are extremely tight pants, shorts or capris._

"Sakura!" the dress-guy yelled and started to run towards her with his arms out.

"Pothead." The other guy said as he put his foot out in front of him. The dress-guy tripped.

Sakura yelled, "Thanks Heero!" Relena waved at him.

As he collected himself (including his bowl) from the ground he said in his confusing and disturb voice, "Hey Sakura, it's me Li. Don't you recognizes me? We are in love." The former dress-guy now revealed as Li said.

"Okay! Loser!" Sakura said to Li. "How can I love a man who wears that crap! Li grabs his.....pot hat and throws it to the ground. then grabs his dress and rips it to tin little pieces to reveal a lovely dressed boy.

Everyone but Sakura covers their eyes, "It's okay he got clothes on underneath that ugly dress."

A noise in the bush distracted all but Sakura (still looking at Li's butt). "It Quatre." Relena said "Me have no good gwammer iter." Relena babbled.

"You still dumbfounded by that picture." Sakura babbled back still looking at Li's ass.

"Are you trying to distract me again?" Relena asked

At once (off key) everyone flew into chorus, "Who wears short-shorts?" Heero stepped forward about to sing back. Instead Quatre pushed him aside and sang in his soprano voice, "I wear short-shorts!" And then the song was over.

Heero yelled at him while taking a swing, "Ah get back in your bush!" He then picked up Sakura's discarded Aluminum Foil™ and started to chase him around. Raen murdered the future Van by impaling him. Not really since the master of um... impaling also known as Allen Chasair wasn't around to use. But believe that Raen really did want to murder him, she had been plotting it, in her little half doubalganger, half human head for awhile now but that's a WHOLE OTHER STORY, far- WAY TOO far fetched for this realistic story. Right...

Yeah so anyways where...? Oh yeah, it was quite easy for Heero to catch Quatre, despite him running like a little school girl and Heero proceeded in throwing the balled up Aluminum Foil™ at the little fag. "I'll kill you." Heero threatened Quatre in his serious-Heero-type voice.

Everyone broke out in laughter. "Ha... ha, that;s a good one Heero! It never gets old." Quatre slapped his leg gleefully (or gayfully either one).

"I'm not joking." Heero was getting madder.

"Of course you aren't." Quatre put his hand on Heero's shoulder. "This guy cracks me up." Quatre laughed insanely like he occasionally does.

"Don't touch me you Trowa Lover!" Heero shrugged Quatre's hand off in disgust.

"Sorry Heero buddy, we all know you & Duo-"Quatre was interrupted by two predictable (yeah you knew they'd show up sonner or later)characters.

"Some say our names?" Duo and Trowa walked up holding hands.

_Authoress'' Note: Yeah, I know, this has become a spin off from Escaflowne to Gundam Wing but we'll get back them later. Besides, ya were getting' bored of dem weren't you? Yeah just a bit I know. But you know me, I coulded, (couldn't damn I can't speel -COULDN'T) resist throwing my obsessive stuff in there - alright I'll shut up and continue, on to it then._

"Duo, I thought you loved me." Quatre screamed at Duo.

"Trowa, what about last night?" Heero asked Trowa.

"You were with Trowa last night. I never know and I don't want to know you insane horny loser!" Relena exclaimed to Heero.

"Relena wait it not what you think." Heero said.

"You mean we didn't have hot passionate sex all night long? You said you loved me Heero." Trowa said, "But I'm pregnant with your child." Trowa reasoned.

"But I'm pregnant with someone's child!" Duo yelled He had sex with all of them.

"OH MY GOD YOU BISEXUAL Gundam pilots are giving me head." Relena screamed. "I mean a head-ache." Relena corrected.

Wufei, ran up wearing a pair of Heero's spandex pants and two bowl-hats as a bra. "Oh my I'm pregnant." Wufei fell over.

_Authoress' Note: No, we are not stupid. We do realize MAN can't get pregnant but this is the UNBELIEVABLE story. So, anything can happen._

"Wufei you said you weren't going to tell anyone." Dr. J said.

"But you said it was mine." Quatre screamed

"We are trying to have a peaceful conversation." a very young naked past Van screamed from Escaflowne. Behind him stood an also very young naked Hitomi. "Euuu!" everyone screamed off key.

"Put some clothes on!" Sakura said to her parents (past).

"We be right down, after we're done." Van said.

"You got to meet some people before they leave. Oh wait they won't leave, I just don't want you to hear what they are saying about you." Van and Hitomi went back into Escaflowne to get changed.

[MOMENTS LATER]

"What the hell have you been saying about me?" Past Van asked Sakura and Relena's weird friends.

"They did say anything we just wanted you to get down here." Relena said.

"These are our strange friends; Heero, Duo, Quatre, Trowa, Wufei, Doctor S, Instructor H, Master O, Doctor J, Professor G, Howard, Li, Davis, T.K., Matt, Chid, Ti (Tai), Julian, Darien, Ken, Joe, Izzy, Ash, Misty, Brock, Dr. Tomo, Michael Jackson, Kyle, Bubbles, Blossom, Buttercup, Honey, Carrie, Vanessa, Billy Bob, Bobby Joe, Moose, Neil, J.T., Ashley, Raen, Mei Ling, Madison, Mimi, Britney, Meryl and these are our parents" Sakura said pointing to everyone as she went along. "There are more but I don't remember all their names."

Van and Hitomi were disappointed at what they were hearing in the background. (the pregnant talk).

"I'm not in love with Quatre. Look at him, he's 4½ inches tall, he drinks a mysterious liquid, which he calls water, he wears gloves that are squeaky and full of slime and just look at him." Wufei complained.

"Wufei how can you said such things. Two nights ago you came a hundred times and we only had sex twice and once removed." Quatre said to Wufei and the other boys.

"Um, are we done with this talk or not because it you not done continue it at a later time because I want to know who the child of Duo belong to." Relena said.

"That will be hard to find out." Sakura said, "Duo, who haven't you sleep with other then me and Relena."

"Let's see this will be a short list, Ummm... no one." Duo responded.

"You slut." Relena slapped Duo and the sluts. "And you!" She turned to Heero accusingly, "You.... You.... You.." She slapped him across the face leaving a red hand print.

"Relena you bitch." Julian slapped her ass.

"Don't touch me gal." Heero punched at Julian but Julian ducked letting Izzy take the punch, knocking him undead. Relena runs into Heero's arm, "Owww." Relena was closed line knocking her unconchid..

"I'm sorry but my arm weren't open for a hug. I need to have some fun." Heero said. "And we all know that fun wasn't coming from you. " Heero grabbed..... Relena's hand and pulled her up.

"I... You jerk! Now my secret is out! Do you know how embarrassing it is to be the only virgin in the story! Like for crying out loud, even Sakura had sex with Li when they were 6!" Relena pointed at Sakura, then Li who was looking for the remnants of his dress, and his pot-hat. Before anyone could react Relena burst into tears and ran away in her inherited way, which meant that she ran like Van, all spazzy and Dilandauish.

Dilandau's son, Ronald, said, "She running like my MOM-DAD."

Sakura turned around and said to Ronny Bonny, "Shut up you HE-SHE horny little it."

Ronny Bonny ran after Relena. But Relena ran faster, escaping his malnutritioned legs and insane laughter, "I LOVE YOU RELEEEEEEEE." Ronald started to disappear.

"YEAH! He's gone." Sakura said.

"Whose gone?" Raen asked.

"Time had finely caught up with him." Sakura mumbled.

All of a sudden Van (future) Escaflownes_™_ started talking, "Hey I'm Tony. The Escaflowne pony and this guys got a boney and it's stabbing me in my Jabroni, yeah I'm Tony!" His white Escaflownes_™_ stopped reciting his rhyme and smiled. The Escaflownes_™_ started to..............................................................

THE END OR TO BE CONTINUED..... I don't which yet?


	2. Episode 2

Previously on Escaflowne what the hell I'm going tell you. You suck!--Read it yourself, LOSER! (1-18) There was that wasn't hard.!

Kay, so when the stupid future Van's pant finally shut up everyone ripped them off of Van (both) noticing that they were both commando and disposed of the singing (well 1 was) Escaflownes and Sakura ran to get them two bushes and some aspirin for herself and all the traumatized people.

MOMENTS LATER

Instead she returned with two balls of Aluminum Foil™. Sakura handed Van a ball of foil. "There is only one." Sakura shrugged after deceiving everyone with the ball of foil still in her hand.

"Hey, what's that?" Van (past) pointed referring to her hand.

"This is my aspirin. You should know that (well know you will) that everything of mine is wrapped in Aluminum Foil™." Sakura explained.

"Well, can I have the wrapping?" Van (past) asked.

Meanwhile, the future Van was busy molding a pair of pants out of shiny silvery-side foil, "Could you just give the guy the damn foil, or at least ask him to turn sideways?"

Julian grabbed his......Aluminum Foil™ and gave up, "For crying out loud use mine!" he offered and handed it to him. Julian transformed into a winged breast.

"Not another child." Van (past) said.

"OH MY GOD I got to go pee!" Ti said. Then he made a funny face and said, "And now I don't."

Julian the winged beast (who was not a draconian,) picked up Ti in his huge claws and flew away with him to his nest, to have his way with him.

Van was about to ran after Relena but Sakura stop her and grabbed Heero and pulled him with her after Relena, "Wait sister, dona goa. Heero wants to talk to you." Sakura screamed.

"I dona wanta talk her." Heero said, "I wanta have my way with her." Heero continued.

Out of no where an ugly looking creative appeared from the window.

"You must pay for the death of my sister." A strange voice said in the distance.

"Shut up Trunks, you can't stop me." The creature said

"Cell you will pay for your crimes," Trunks said

"Cut that's a rap." the director from the shadows said.

"Who the hell were they?" Goliath said.

_We be back after these messages.... This show is brought to you by Sakura Van Fanel Aluminum Foil™ best used for anything. And I mean anything. Now back to our show.©®_

"How could you do this to me Heero? I thought you loved me but that was probably a lie wasn't it. I hate you and I don't believe we were going to get married in the future. You have left me so many times I can't believe I didn't see it before. I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU HEERO YUY!" Relena screamed and started to cry.

"But Relena I do love you and I would never want you hurt you." Heero was going to say but Relena ran before he could. "There is only one thing I want to say to you. I LOVE YOU!"Heero finished. Relena ran back to Heero, "I love you and I will always love you." Heero told Relena. Heero grabbed Relena and _......This is Sir Jeremy Chasair talking to you. I;m here to tell you that I'm following in my dad's footsteps. I'm going to become the best Jigglo ever......_ Heero grabbed Relena and pulled her aside into the bushes and throw her to the ground. Relena tried to get up but Heero wouldn't let her, "Let me go your hurting me. OUCH, that hurts." Relena screamed.

"I haven't even touch you yet." Heero said.

"Then's whose hands on my butt?" Relena said.

Heero bent down to see who was touching Relena's ass. It was Matt and behind him was everyone but Li and Sakura who were still standing on the other side looking for Relena. We will return to them later.

"Matt, get out here you loser, EUUU! He touched my ass!" Relena said.

"Get out of here you losers." Heero screamed. "I would like to talk to her in private."

"Oh that what you want to do okay." Matt said.

"Hey what are you guys looking at." Sakura asked. They turned around and there was Sakura holding the sword of Fanel, "Get out of here, or pay the price of Fanel." Sakura said as she drew her sword against Matt's neck. They ran screaming like the little girls they were.

"We're alone at last." Heero said.

"Um hello, Heero we're still here so slow it down." Li said.

"Well get your ass out of here." Heero said. Li and Sakura walked towards the castle of Fanel. When Heero turned around Relena was gone. "Relena, where are you? I just want to talk. Hanhan." Heero shouted.

Relena who was up Grandmother Willow (the tree not the person) started to swing her feet.

Heero seeing this grabbed her legs but missed riped her skirt off. "Ouww! Nice legs. What the hell are these?" Heero asked.

"They are Escaflowne's I got the idea from you." Relena answered.

"You got the idea from me?" Heero proclaimed to Relena.

"Yes I got the Goddamn Gundam idea from you." Relena exclaimed.

They continued on with their conversation for an hour.

SOMEWHERE IN FANEL'S CASTLE

"Li, you are such a jerk. I can't believe you called me a bitch!" Sakura screamed.

"And I can't believe your sister thinks we had sex when we were.. let's see she said 6 right?" Li asked.

"Here's my room, Gotta go." Li was about to enter Sakura's room when Alfred the Butler stopped hum. Sakura again draws the Fanel sword but this time is stopped by Li. "We don't have to kill him, we just have to knock him, unconchid."

NOW AT THE FRONT DOOR

"Heero you didn't have to walk me home." Relena spoked to Heero in a very demanding voice, "You tried to rape and now you think things are fine." Relena continued.

"Rape you! I wasn't trying to rape you. I was saving you from Allen's bastard son." Heero replied. Heero continued walking through the lounge and upstairs. Relena still standing at the door, she closed it and then ran after Heero. Heero saw Li, Sakura and Alfred and ducked out of the way just in time for Relena to run by him.

"HEERO GET OUT OF MY GODDAMN GUNDAM HOUSE." Relena screamed as loud as she could.

The Butler hearing this ran towards Relena, while doing so Li and Sakura jump into her bedroom. "Relena, what's wrong with you?" Alfred asked. She told him about Heero.

IN SAKURA'S BEDROOM

"Sakura I love you." Li said as he was about to take off his shirt.

"Can I watch?" a voice said from outside the window asked.

"Who the hell? Who ever you are, I would leave now?" Sakura shouted over the moans of Li. Sakura picked up her sword and throw it out the window. OUCH. "He's dead." Sakura said,.

"Who?" Li asked.

"I'm not going to get up and see who it is. You go asshole."

BACK IN THE HALLWAY

"I need to screw you Relena or Alfred will kill!" Heero yelled. Relena's face grimaced in surprise and Alfred fainted. All of a sudden Duo, Trowa, and Quatre walked in on behind the other whining with pain. In their stomaches was the sword of Fanel through their guts like a shis-kabob. "What the hell?" Relena asked.

"Um..." Duo started.

"Don't ask." Trowa replied.

Heero pulled out the sword resulting in all three bisexuals falling unconscious on top of each other.

"They'll be like that when they wake up." Relena commented.

Li suddenly appeared in Sakura's housecoat, upon realizing Heero and Relena were watching him, he screamed and ran from sight.

Alfred got up and tried to lunge at Relena, Heero pushed her aside causing her to crash into the wall and tackled him. Heero landed on top of Alfred and called for Relena, "Give me my gun! Or something."

Relena was disgusted at Heero's actions and went into her room, closing the door behind her.

Duo got up from the pile of fags and went over to Heero, "What ya doing?" he asked.

"I'm trying to kill Alfred!"

"Yo, Alfred wassup?" came Raen from out of nowhere. Alfred waved from his grounded position. "Where's Li?" she asked. Heero shrugged and realized he still had the sword of Fanel. Raen seen this and pointed at Duo, Trowa, and Quatre, "You perverts!"

Heero walked away from Alfred and glared at Duo, "Isn't your trio enough? Do your really need to get off on other people's ... uh."

"Do go there!" Raen warned.

Suddenly Li reappeared with his pot-hat, "Look I'm a pot-head." he exclaimed.

Raen transformed into a dove and flew away.

"Sakura I think we forgot something." Relena yelled from her room.

Sakura returned from her room (dressed) and entered Relena's. "What did we forget?"

"Our mission stupid! What about everything?"

Sakura was puzzled, "Everything? What are you talking about?"

"You know.. everything." Relena shrugged

"Oh yeah, well I got a box of TROWA Condoms before me and Li..."

Relena interrupted her, "Eew! Too much information! I meant before we were supposed to complete our mission stupid! Besides, you wouldn't have to use T.C.'s cause they one work for Trowa & there was no risk of getting S.T.D. from Li cause he's never (and probably will never) had sex with anyone but you. AND you can't get pregnant with a ten-year-old, he hasn't even gone through puberty. No sperm. Ha." Relena finally shut up.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. What is our mission?" Sakura changed the subject back to what they were originally talking about. Just then Alfred kicked down the door. Sakura and Relena screamed as the old fart did a series of black-belt martial arts moves to a cushion and tore it to shreds. Sakura shrieked in her war-cry and drew a light-saber to defend her sister. "Alfred you cult-worshiper! I'll never let you sacrifice Relena to your loser god!" Sakura screamed at the trusty crazy butler.

Relena pushed Sakura aside saying, "Ah don't worry, I'll handle him." She took out her gold wings smacking Alfred sending him flying onto his wrinkly old arse.

Raen ran into the room and behind her was the bisexual Gundam pilots, "See Relena! You have to lose your viriniousity or this psycho will throw you in a volcano." Heero explained as Sakura kicked Alfred in his chest with a high-heeled pirate boot.

"I'd just fly away." Relena shrugged carelessly, shed do anything to keep being the only non-slut.

Alfred coughed, "I'd bound and tie to you so you couldn't use those wretched wings!" He started to sit up while saying, "Besides, if I don't give you to my god I'll have to hunt down the only other virgin left. the one they call Purple Shirt Willy."

Sakura gave him another sharp kick in the chest, "You mean Kyle. It's not that hard to find him. He always turns up sooner of later. If you want we can all help you get him." Sakura offered.

"Thanks Princess but I don't want to touch that freak. I'll just settle for your little sister over there. If you don't mind stepping off of me. My feelings towards this is rooted in only necessary evil. Because my good friend Raen wants King Van destroyed and how better to make him mad (if not destroyed) then taking his precious daughter! Haha... get my medication." Alfred hacked.

"You moron leave Relena out of it." Heero also landed a kick in Alfred's chest with his high-heel platinum yellow shoes.

"Yeah, don't hurt the little one. Poor baby dragon. I just want her daddy to suffer. She is my good friend." Raen smiled. It seemed that Raen had some kind of psychological problem(s). Which makes her a perfect character in this story.

"Whell, thanx Raen. By the way, when did you fly back my dove friend?" She then turned her attention to Alfred and with her high-heeled pirate-boot also thumped him in the saggy man-boobs. Her boot made a sound, BOING! "Nike Shox!" Relena explained. Everybody nodded, satisfied. Raen walked by everybody and transformed into a pair of Nike shoes. "Cute." Relena laughed at Raen.

"Hey guys check this out." Matt screamed from the lounge.

"What da hell? Who let you in?" Sakura screamed back.

"You won't believe what Van and Hitomi are doing!" Matt shouted.

"I don't want to know." Relena said.

"It's not gross, I don't think it is." Matt said.

BACK IN CASTLE DORNKIRK

"Van, how could you?" Hitomi (future) shouted. "You kissed the past Hitomi. I think you would be able to tell the difference between us." Hitomi finished

"But Hitomi I didn't mean to hurt your-"Just then Julian dropped Ti from his grasp right on top of the unsuspecting Sir Jeremy Chasair whom had hung himself by a coat hook. After raping Boobs and attacking Relena. He was not able to kill himself with the coat hander, so he tried to kill himself with Pikachu. He did this by shoving it up his ass. Oh I just want to tell you it was very easy because lots of things have been shoved up there. "AHHHHHHHH!" Just joking Sir Jeremy Chasair didn't shove things up there.

"What the hell is going on here?" Heero shouted running up followed by Relena, Sakura, and Raen. (Li and Alfred were unable to move)

"Sir Jeremy Chasair is trying to kill himself." Purple Shirt Willy said.

"Told you." Relena said.

Sir Jeremy Chasair was lying unconscious on the ground when Trowa, Quatre, Wufei and Duo jumped on top of him naked. "Euww." Everybody said. Jeremy sat up and pulled a sword out of Sakura's bag. "Get off me." Jeremy pushed all 4 off of him. Jeremy stood up and drew Sakura's sword on Trowa. Quatre jumps in front of the sword to have his head chopped off.

"Quatre, No, my dearest Quatre, I loved you." Duo cried as he held Quatre's body against his breasts. The other two were bum fucking in the corner.

"Get a room." Heero yelled over the moans of Trowa and Wufei.

Back to Jeremy who was still trying to kill himself. "What's wrong?" Relena asked Jeremy.

"I'm the worst Jigglo ever. No one wants to sleep with him let alone touch me. I hate my life. I'm still a virgin." Jeremy started a long and boring story about his childhood but I don't want to go into that. "So, that's the whole story. So, can you help me kill myself or lose my virginity?" Jeremy asked Relena, Sakura, and Raen.

All them stood speak-less and frozen. All at once "NO!!!"

"Wait a minute I have an idea..... How about we give Jeremy to Alfred?" Sakura thought about how they might get Jeremy to go with Alfred.

"I'll do it!" Jeremy shouted.

"You'll do what, Jeremy?" Relena asked.

"I'll go with Alfred. I will be his sex slave. Maybe this will get me some loven." Jeremy said with such joy.

"He doesn't want you......" Sakura started but Relena stopped her before she could finish.

Relena whispered to Sakura, "He wants to go. So, let him!"

Sakura and Raen lead Jeremy to Castle Fanel "Will he like me?"Jeremy ask Relena.

"Oh I'm sure he will like you, Jeremy!" Relena laughed quietly to himself and maybe Sakura.

CASTLE FANELIA

Li and Alfred were sitting against the wall and breathing very hard (we aren't sure what they were doing) "That was fun!" Alfred said.

"What was fun AL?" Li asked Alfred.

"That conversation we had." Al explained. "You really liked hearing about my scared goddess." Alfred asked Li.

"I'm thinking about killing myself now." Li proclaimed.

"Why? Oh yeah I forgot that you are a pothead." Alfred patted Li on the ..... (not near enough to the bottom of the page) ....head. You can buy Purple Shirt Willy's shirt will be going to ½¢, we could even go as low as .00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000009¢. Another item is Heero Yuy's shirt (also seen on Master Roshi) it will be sold for 1 million dollars.

IN THE LOUNGE

Sakura and Relena were playing video games. "I'm better at Tekan Tog Tournament!" Sakura bragged.

"So, I'm better at talking then you! Miss no-grammer!" Relena pushed Sakura off her chair. A knock at the door Relena gets up and throws the control at the playstation and answers the Goddamn Gundam door.

It was Boob's. "Can I have some water?" he looked dehydrated for reason not needing explanation.

"We only have aluminum foil cups is that okay?" Relena tapped her Nike Shox impatiently.

"Yeah....(pant, pant..) but please (pant, pant..)stop the incessant boinging." Boobs begged.

"It's not my pirate boots, its your boobs hitting the floor from your panting." Relena turned to get some liquid she called 'water'.

Sakura joined the conversation. Out of nowhere Salem the cat in the tutu appear. "Would you quit that infernal racket. I'm trying to sleep in the next country and your keeping me up."

"My boobs aren't loud." Boobs disagreed.

"Will you all fuck off and let me and Sakura plat T.T.T. in peace.?! Arg!" Relena pulled out all of Boobs hair on his tête. Sakura swept it up and used her dirt-devil sword to vacuum it all up. Bald Boobs was mourning his baldness and hos boobs slamming against the floor causing an earthquake.

"Ahhh! Save the playstation." Sakura garbbed......sorry, the playstation and covered it with her body to shield it from doom. Debris fell (the walls and ceiling) on top of them along with Sir Jeremy Chasair, who flew directly on Salem.

"Eww! Stop breathing your gross tuna-breath on me!" Salem slapped Jeremy.

"But I ate 43 tuna sandwiches just for you cause you're a cat & I thought you'd like fish." Jeremy reasoned.

"I do like fish, I just don't like fishy-smelling Jigglo!" Salem explained. "You should learn to brush your teeth and visit the dentist to learn dental hygiene." Salem pulls out all of Jeremy's teeth and runs behind Relena.

Li and Alfred enter, Li saying, "Okay, who let Boobs in? This is the fifth time this week. I don't want to have to rebuilt the castle again!"

Boobs then got up (amazingly he could) from the floor and hugged Jeremy. "No! I'm for Alfred's pleasure only!" Sir Jeremy Chasair pushed Boobs back down onto the floor. (which result in more rumbling of the castle)

"Ouch... That big rock just hit me on the head." Relena rubbed her forehead. It took a few minutes to kick in but she eventually fell over.

"Well, at least we won't have to listen to listen her go on and on anymore with all that bitching and complaining." Sakura shrugged.

"Hey..." Relena said weakly, "I'm still awake!"

Sakura bit her tongue, "Um, I know that." she lied.

"I think I'll just rest for a bit." Relena mumbled as she laid her head down and made a nice little surface to sleep in the rubble.

"UH, it's so hard, I can't do it." Sakura moaned as Li try to help her.

"I'm trying really hard but it won't come." Li shouted.

"OUCH! That hurt, stop it." Sakura screamed in pain.

"I hope this doesn't hurt." Li pushed.

"OUCH!" Sakura screamed.

_Just a friendly reminder when eating Sperm Jam™ donuts and Trowa Condoms™ always eat the spermasite first. Allen says it gives you better hair._

"What da hell are you doing?" Relena asked.

"Trying to get Boobs off Sakura." Li answered.

"Well can you do it a little quieter or with clean vocabulary this time? Remember virgin ears here!" Relena laid back down to go to sleep.

"OUCH!" Sakura screamed. "He's off. yeah I'm free." Sakura continued as a big rock fall on top of her foot.

"We now bring you to to soak on cock day. See attached flyer for details." Boobs explained.

"What the hell?" Heero asked Boobs. Van walks through the door and shut it on Boobs's Boobs. "AHHHHH " as he collaspt.

Relena got up and up and down. (↑↓) "That wasn't hard." Relena said.

Just then Heero grabbed..... the cat by the tail. "Where do you thing your going?" Heero asked.

"What the hell? Let me go!" Salem scratched Heero's hand. Boobs then pulls spot reducing Gadget, Anti-cellulite Products and puts on his work clothing and starts to bounce. Then everyone became sane once again, only for a second not even (a second of fuck).

The trio, I mean Trowa, Duo, And Wufei were having or trying to have they way with Sir Jeremy Chasair. The threesome started to take Jeremy's clothes off but ended up having they way with each other, not Jeremy.

"Kick my hairy ass!" Ti said. Julian appeared again to rape Ti again.

"Would you like a room Mr. Julian?" Alfred asked.

"No, here will be just fine for me." Julian answered.

"But I'm not fine with it." Sakura said as everyone from the audience screamed "GET A ROOM!"

Relena, Sakura, Heero, Salem, Boobs and Van all leave the lounge. Alfred and Jeremy stayed behind to watch.

SOMEWHERE ELSE

"I'm in love with you my dearest." Heero proclaimed his love to Salem.

"I love you too my honey." Salem exclaimed. Ok, Ok, back to our real story....

"I hate you. You ugly cat." Heero shouted in Salem's ear.

"At least I'm fuzzy, cute and cuddly. And oh YEAH I use Scope." Salem stuck out his tongue at Heero.

"Stop this ugly fighting. You sweet cat and ugly dog." Relena screamed.

"Whose the cat and whose the doggy?" Heero asked.

"I'm not the cat. Oh, Oh wait I am a cat." whose the doggy?" Heero asked.

"I'm not the cat. Oh, Oh wait I am a cat." Salem shouted.

"Lay off it with the dog stuff." Heero fawned.

"Oh stop your pouting. It's not my fault you're a dog. You chose Duo over me." Relena turned away.

"Don't act all smug now I didn't choose Duo over you." Heero told her.

"Oh did you not? So are you gonna come back to the home team as Raen calls it? No, I doubt it. Jerk. All the guys I like are losers." Relena started to walk away.

"Relena, come back if you leave no one will be able to protect you from Alfred and his crazy minions (Li and Sir Jeremy Chasair). Who knows what kind of fate will befall you?" Sakura said.

"Ah, don't worry about it. I don't care anymore." Relena waved the notion away and kept walking without looking back.

Sakura withdrew a dull butter-knife and tried to stab with the wrong end. "I want to be unconchid." Sakura whined as she continued poking herself with the handle numerous times.

"That's not going to help your sister." Raen said. Salem licked her lips (or whatever she had) at the thought.

Finally, Van took the butter-knife from his crazed daughter and did the hocky-pocky. And proceeded in turning himself about. Why? We don't know. The world may never find out. Basically everyone decided to stop acting like weirdoes but that wouldn't be fun so they scratched that decision. Then they scratched the balls, dragonballs, dragon dragonballs, dragonballs Zee. Okay that's enough.

Alfred returned into the picture and scooped up Kyle and took Jeremy's hand also grabbing his..... tush. He made kissing sounds in Jeremy's ear and then he was gone with his two losers. Heading off in the distance, in direction Relena had went. Hopping onto Julian's back and flying away.

"Should we go after them? They might sacrifice them to the god." Van said.

"And your point is? It's Kyle and Jeremy." Sakura shrugged.

"What about Relena?" Van asked.

"Ah, who gives a shit about Relena." Heero shrugged.

"Wait! Julian! You forgot me!!!" Ti said as he leapt out from behind the bush he'd been recently drop in.

Hitomi (both past present/future) walked in chatting happily. "What's going on?" the past one asked everyone.

CONTINUED IN NEXT EPISODE!!!!


End file.
